thatjimboguy
S12 Captain
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 |  Subject: The Rules for Attending a Sporting Event  Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:58 am | |
| The Rules for Attending a Sporting Event
We all love to go to sporting events right? Everyone loves to cheer on their favorite team live and in person while tossing back a beer or three. But, as with all else in life, the arena has its rules.
Don't Be That Guy
You all know what I'm talking about. Don't get too drunk to know what's going on and start talking about what's going on in your mind about another game. Don't hit on the guy next to you's girlfriend. Don't hit on the guy next to you so that you can see what his girlfriend does.
When Tailgating, Bring Your Own
We've all had that “friend” who came to the tailgate with no food/drink/booze and tried to mooch off of us right. I mean, damn dude, if you can't afford a freaking hot dog and a bun then how the heck did you pay for your ticket? And I know SOMEPLACE had to have some Busch or some Natty Light on sale. How hard is it? Oh, and speaking of being cheap...
Don't Stiff Your Boy for the Ticket
We all know this d-bag right? The guy who said “Oh really, I'll pay you,” and then didn't. He's probably also the guy who didn't bring a hot dog. You have my personal permission to pummel this guy. Just don't tell anyone I told you to do it. The RICO laws are a mofo.
Don't Get Caught Sneaking in your “Adult Beverages”
Listen, it happens. I personally have seen more pint or smaller bottles in bathrooms at arenas then I'd care to count. But dude. Put that stuff in your pocket or something. Why is there always one guy who comes to the stadium with a beer in his hand and gets his whole crew caught? Do you know how much this place charges for a beer? And you're the moron who gets us all busted? Oh dude, I'm gonna SO pound you when we get home...
Confine All Vomiting to the Bathroom
I mean seriously. If you've never been puked on, be glad. I have. Trust me, it sucks. It's just too bad for the guy who did it to me that his boys had ditched him to go get more beer. It sucks even worse that he couldn't remember where all of the bruises came from when they came back. Oops.
Don't Get Up Too Much
If you make me miss too much of the game I will kill you. Dead. It'll be hours before they find you. Trust me. Most of these ushers are so old and jaded they won't notice you're there until they realize that whatever this thing is that they're trying to sweep up it doesn't fit into their dustpan. Even then you're likely to end up getting kicked a few times to MAKE you fit. Good luck.
Buy Something at the Souvenir Stand and Rub it in Your Cheap Friend's Face
Hey, if he can't afford the ticket or a hot dog, he damn sure doesn't have the $135.00 he would need for a new jersey. Sucks to be him. Just make sure he doesn't puke on it because of all of the beer you had to buy him.
Don't Leave Early
Trust me. This is the only game you can come to this year. Your team is going to lose badly. God does have a sense of humor and right now he's laughing at you. It's not gonna save you any time to leave early though because everyone else is too. You paid for the ticket, now sit and suffer with the rest of us.
Drive Like a Daredevil While Trying to Leave
Look, either your going to make the guys you came with mad because they want to leave and you're letting people drive past you or you're going to have to rile the general public up. Let's face it: You ain't gonna need the general public to help you move in a few months or help you put a nursery together. Flurk 'em. It's time to do what you gotta do for your own. If they didn't want you to cut them off they shoulda mowed your lawn or washed your car or something.
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The BLAY
Moderator
| | Subject: Re: The Rules for Attending a Sporting Event Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:52 am | |
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