The Rules for Finding Food in a Bachelor Pad

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

The Rules for Finding Food in a Bachelor Pad

We've all been to our buddy's house to hang out and watch the game and let's face it, there are less distractions at a single guy's house. No wife, no kids, probably no dog, just the guys and the game/ wrestling show/skin flick, etc. Here are the rules to help you NOT eat the poor guy out of house and home while you're there.

Don't be That Guy.

Think about it. Most bachelors grocery shop like once a year...on a good year. You start eating their grub their gonna be faced to take a trip to the store in three months instead of six. Do you really want to be responsible if it takes the poor guy an extra day to get through his season in Madden? Honestly?

Bring Your Own.

Think about it. The guy is letting you hang at his place. Why be an ungrateful @$$hole and eat all of his food? Buy your own dammit. And while you're at it, buy him some too. You're driving past the pizza place to get there anyway, aren't you. WELL...AREN'T YOU?

Don't Look in the Fridge, Especially if There is a Woman Who Can See Inside.

Are you kidding me? Do you remember what the inside of your fridge looked like when you were single? Definitely don't open the fridge if the chick is his girlfriend. If she was worth keeping around, he'd be living with and/or married to her. If you open that fridge and she looks inside to see fifty-some odd bottles of beer, two spiked jugs of juice and an empty ketchup bottle, you're gonna be the one who is responsible for him having to decide whether to put up with a lecture or go without sex until he can find a replacement. It's just not worth it.

Observe Anything that May Resemble Food Visually for At Least Sixty Seconds.

Make sure it doesn't move. If it does, don't eat it and call an exterminator. Then slap your buddy upside the head for not killing the bugs in his house himself. It's not your place, why should you have to clean it?

Smell Everything Before Eating it.

If it's not moving, it's probably dead. The next question is how long it's been dead. I already mentioned how often bachelors go to the store. Given their usual cleaning habits that piece of meat may not have been from this year's trip to the store either.

No Matter What your Friend Tells You, that Green Fuzz Did Not Come From his Chia Pet.

Throw that junk away now dude. The last thing you need is some green junk growing in your gut. Trust me. And if you ARE in need of some penicillin then you should know that you have to PROCESS it before you can use it. You can't just eat the crap off of that six year old piece of bread in the fridge. Jesus! How could you NOT know that?

If it Doesn't Move, Stink or Have Something Growing on it, it's Probably Safe to Eat.

Maybe. Just make sure you're not drinking the dish soap. The good news here being that most bachelors only wash their dishes after going to the grocery store and they probably don't even HAVE dish soap. Just be careful, because if you end up blowing bubbles out of your hindquarters I WILL laugh at you.

If You Wake Up Sick The Next Morning It's Your Fault

Next time you'll stop at McDonalds won't you genius?

**S12 Captain**

**S12 News Staff**

Awesome!!!

**Moderator**

ahah wikkid!
this reminds me of the Weird Al parody - Livin' In The Fridge!

**Battle Ready**

Don't Be That Guy, EVER!!!

**Weapons Specialist**

Lol, this is jokes man.

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