The Rules for Getting Divorced

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

The Rules for Getting Divorced

Ya know, there's been a lot of divorce going around in the Sector lately. In the last year alone, it's been me, BDB and Rob that I know of. I know Delta and Z are both divorced and so is Wry, so I thought I'd give you all a primer on how to act after it's all over. Because lord knows, I don't want any of the rest of you headed into this unprepared. So let's get this party started, right?

Don't Be That...

What the FLURK am I talking about? Let's try this again

Be That Guy

Take the house. Take the car. Take the kids. Take her retirement. Flurk her harder (metaphorically) than you did on your wedding night (literally) . Flurk her more often than you did on your honeymoon. Flurk her in ways she never dreamed possible. The bitch deserves it. If she was worth being nice to you'd still be with her, wouldn't you?

Flurk Everything with Two Legs and Tits

… And honestly, if she lost a leg in a car accident and had her rack removed due to breast cancer that's okay too. I mean, you've been married. You're used to not getting it at all. Why be picky now? I'd mention something about oral sex, but do you even remember what that is?

Celebrate Your Freedom from Her Side of the Crew

Get rid of your old mother-in-law. You don't have to put up with her bitching anymore. No more whiny BS from her old best friend. I mean, Flurk all them bitches. You are your own man now! It's such an awesome feeling to like, hang out with the people who matter to you. And remember, your ex-MIL raised that bitch to be the way she is. It's her fault you had to put up with all of that crap. SCREW HER!!!!! (Metaphorically, that bitch is too old and wrinkled for the real thing.)

Never Say “Yes Dear” Again!

Dammit, you are your own man now! Put your feet up on the table, scratch when it itches and fart when you need to. Eat guy food. Watch a war flick or a cartoon. Tell her to shove her Nicholas Sparks novels/movies up her ass. Offer to assist her in the endeavor. Decline to use lubrication. This is your chance...

Be a Man!!!!!!

This is no time for mamby-pamby whiny little bitch-ass bullshit. It's Stifler Time baby! Rock out with your Stinkelface out! Hang out with your wang out! Your life is about to begin again! Get some @$$. Drink too much. Watch a freaking game in the comfort of your own home with that skank telling you that you're a bad guy for doing it. Granted, divorce is not a get out of jail free card. It's a get out of jail for thousands of dollars card, but you spent the damned money. Live it up!

Remember this: You Married Her.

… But life has an “undo” button. It's called divorce. Erase your mistake. Cut and paste some good times over it. C'mon over to where the rest of us are, because being wifey free is the life for you and me. And don't forget what divorce stands for..

Dude... I Very Obviously Really Can Escape.

And believe me. It's jailbreak time.

**Administrator**

Thank you Jimbo!

The place has not been the same without the rules.
I only wish I had read these before or immediately after my divorce.

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

LOL... My bad on the timing bro..

**Administrator**

Not a problem man.

I'm just glad rules are in place now.
Hopefully they can save someone else.

**S12 News Staff**

Thanks jimbo!!!! I have never been married but when I do find me a future ex wife...Ill remember these!!!

**S12 News Staff**

divorce is a shitty situation and the ones that suffer are the kids if you have any.the best thing to do is assure them that the situation was not there fault and to never talk bad about the ex in front of them.

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

Amen to that Delta... I do my best to make sure my oldest knows it's not her fault.. The youngest will be one next month. She has no clue about anything at this point, but I'll do the same when she gets older.

**Battle Ready**

Jimbo... there has never been anyone (in my life anyway) that is so completely better off divorced as you are. Congrats cousin! So glad you are free from that.. oh yeah gotta watch the cussing around here. So l;et me put this gently. The name I want to call her starts with a "C" and ends with a "untbag whore"

**Administrator**

Good to see you here again Bo.

We have the cuss-catcher in place, but appreciate the effort anyway.
At least I hope that word is on the list.lol

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

Bo HeMyth wrote:: Jimbo... there has never been anyone (in my life anyway) that is so completely better off divorced as you are. Congrats cousin! So glad you are free from that.. oh yeah gotta watch the cussing around here. So l;et me put this gently. The name I want to call her starts with a "C" and ends with a "untbag whore"

Amen to that.... I'm SOOO glad I don't have to wake in a house with that wench in it anynmore.

**S12 Captain**

You boys don't know how good it felt a few eeeks back when she started harpin on me about something and I said:

"Shut up. You don't get to nag at me no more. You don't get to lecture me no more. You called it quits. You gave up the job. I can do as I please and you have nothing to say about it."

**S12 Captain**

And it felt even better when my ten year old son, after seeing how down right upcooperative and difficult she is about every thing that comes up, especially invoving the kids, told his mom : "You know mom, you really ought to help daddy a bit more, he is doin the best he can."

**S12 Captain**

Here is a great rule:

NEVER ever hit a woman. It's wrong, even if the bitch deserves a good smuck up side the head.

However, it's never wrong to imagine your size 11 boot kickin her ass to and hell back.

You can think it, just don't do.

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:: You boys don't know how good it felt a few eeeks back when she started harpin on me about something and I said:

"Shut up. You don't get to nag at me no more. You don't get to lecture me no more. You called it quits. You gave up the job. I can do as I please and you have nothing to say about it."

Hell Yeah Blue... Ya know on the day I went to her house to clean out my stuff she was giving me sh!t on the way out the door... So I very calmly walked out, got into the U-Haul and drove away, leaving her standing there nagging at herself.

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:: And it felt even better when my ten year old son, after seeing how down right upcooperative and difficult she is about every thing that comes up, especially invoving the kids, told his mom : "You know mom, you really ought to help daddy a bit more, he is doin the best he can."

Yeah, you should've seen the look on my daughter's face when I told her that I was coming to her basketball game but that Mommy said I wasn't allowed to talk to her there....

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:: Here is a great rule:

NEVER ever hit a woman. It's wrong, even if the bitch deserves a good smuck up side the head.

However, it's never wrong to imagine your size 11 boot kickin her ass to and hell back.

You can think it, just don't do.

Hell Yeah!!!! Dude... If some of the stuff I thought about ever became public...

**S12 Captain**

thatjimboguy wrote:

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:: You boys don't know how good it felt a few eeeks back when she started harpin on me about something and I said:

"Shut up. You don't get to nag at me no more. You don't get to lecture me no more. You called it quits. You gave up the job. I can do as I please and you have nothing to say about it."

Hell Yeah Blue... Ya know on the day I went to her house to clean out my stuff she was giving me sh!t on the way out the door... So I very calmly walked out, got into the U-Haul and drove away, leaving her standing there nagging at herself.

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:: And it felt even better when my ten year old son, after seeing how down right upcooperative and difficult she is about every thing that comes up, especially invoving the kids, told his mom : "You know mom, you really ought to help daddy a bit more, he is doin the best he can."

Yeah, you should've seen the look on my daughter's face when I told her that I was coming to her basketball game but that Mommy said I wasn't allowed to talk to her there....

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:: Here is a great rule:

NEVER ever hit a woman. It's wrong, even if the bitch deserves a good smuck up side the head.

However, it's never wrong to imagine your size 11 boot kickin her ass to and hell back.

You can think it, just don't do.

Hell Yeah!!!! Dude... If some of the stuff I thought about ever became public...

My sister and law and wife tried the whole "you can't talk to him" with my oldest one night. I call the kids at least once everyday they are not with me. One night I was told Nate was not allowed on the phone because he had been bad, so he couldn't talk to anyone. I informed them both I was not anyone, I am his father and tp put him on the phone. They tried arguing but stopped when I asked if I had to come over there. I laid down the law. I WILL talk to my kids. They both WILL cooperate.

**S12 News Staff**

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:: You boys don't know how good it felt a few eeeks back when she started harpin on me about something and I said:

"Shut up. You don't get to nag at me no more. You don't get to lecture me no more. You called it quits. You gave up the job. I can do as I please and you have nothing to say about it."

Good job Blue!!!!

**Battle Ready**

I gotta say that I am by no means a woman beater. That being said, there are a couple times when it is okay to hit a woman. Like for instance if said woman is trying to intentionally cause you physical harm. I am not talking about smacking you in the face, I am talking about balling up a fist to punch you, kicking you in the balls, or yeilding a weapon with intent to do damage to your person. My daddy taught me to never hit women, but my mama taught me to not take an ass whoopin' from anyone if I can help it.

Another instance would be if say the bitch is a zombie that is trying to eat your flesh. It is okay to hit her then, preferable in the brain.

Yet another good time would be if she pops out of the bathroom wearing a strap on and you are the only other person in the house. Just sayin'.

And last but not least, if she pulls down her panties and hers is the same as yours... but then again that's not really a woman. Let's just disregard this last one.

I guess this is Bo's rules for hitting women. Wow, dad would be so proud.

**S12 Captain**

A piece of good advice:

Guys if you have anything of value, give it to a friend, trade it for a consumable, or just burn it in the yard. She WILL get it if you don't.

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