The Rules for Calling a Call Center

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

The Rules for Calling a Call Center

Look. We all know that at some point we're going to have to call someone about something. Odds are good that if you call that number, you're going to have to have to deal with the person on the other end of it. And it's probably not going to be pretty. Really. And there's only a fifty percent chance that the guy who picks up the phone is the @$$hole. That means that there is a fifty percent chance that YOU are the bad guy, but don't worry. Trust me, after five-and-a-half years of working in these places, I can walk you through things. Wanna know how to get what you want? Here goes:

Don't be That Guy:

This one is self explanatory. Think about it. If I walk into your place of business, call you an A-hole and threaten to kill your dog and eat your children are you going to go out of your way to help me? Try this on for size:

“Thank you for ca...”

“You're all a bunch of morons.”

Think you'll get your fee reversed that way?

Pack a Lunch

We all know that it sucks to get stuck on hold, but here's the thing. The agent can only take one call at a time. Besides, why be in a hurry when you get paid by the hour and the next dipstick probably isn't any easier to deal with than the current jack@$$? I'm just sayin'...

State the Problem/Ask the question/ Tell the agent WTF you want.

It's pretty freaking hard to help you if you're a screaming, whining, pant-pissing genius who won't tell the agent what the problem is. The reasoning behind this is obvious. Think about it. Ever try to take care of a screaming baby when you can't figure out what the problem is? So have I. Don't act like that and you'll be much better off.

Avoid having one of the following personality types:

The Babbler

This is the guy who can talk for hours and fill an agent with endless facts and figures about absolutely nothing. Look, I'm sorry your dog died. It sucks that your daughter is dating a psychotic, drug addled., goth loser. I'm glad you got a promotion. Does this have anything to do with why you're calling or does your life just suck so badly that you can't find someone you know to talk to?

The Idiot

Agent: May I have your name please?

Caller: Huh?

Agent: What is your name please?

Caller: No, I'm not calling you from Maine.

Agent: I need to know who I'm talking to please?

Caller: Oh, that's easy. You're talking to me.

Agent: And who might you be?

Caller: Huh?

Seriously, the person you're calling should know more about how to handle a given situation than you should, but DAMN. Sometimes it's just NOT THAT HARD.

The Babbling Idiot

If you can't figure out what this means, you're either not paying attention or..well...never mind. There are rules against flaming.

You'll Catch More Bees with Honey...

Seriously, do you think someone is going to give you what you want after you just wished death on them? Hey, I know your life sucks and that picking on those lower than you on the totem pole makes you feel big or something. Seriously though, go blow a goat. Saying nice things might help though. Especially if the agent is in a good mood or if you've got a sexy voice. Trust me. Sexy voice = free whatever you want. Especially if my...err....the agent's wife hasn't put out recently.

Don't Claim that You Were Told That You'd Be Better Off Calling Back at Four AM on Sunday

Trust me, I'm not dumb enough to believe this even if you are. Go drink another one and call me back tomorrow. Being sober might help too. Hey, it might be helpful in other areas of your life as well. Ever heard of Whiskey D....

Err....

Nevermind.

**Moderator**

ahhh call centers... I do not miss working at them.
I have always tried to be courteous when dealing with reps on the phone b/c they aren't the cause of your problem, they are the avenue to your solution.
The problem lies in the fact that more often than not, the rep on the other end of the phone is going to be hard to understand b/c 60% (or all the time depending on your view) the persons first language is not English.

Take your time, explain your problem, and repeat it if the rep asks you to.
Remember you are shovelling a lot of info at them, they need time to process it.

As long as you don't start out as the asshole more often than not the process will work to your advantage. There are times though where the customer is going to lose their cool.. Ive been on both ends of it especially when dealing with Digital River (MattyCollector.com's call center). They truly don't know what they are talking about, and when you get transferred four times or are told to call back in 72hrs for the resolve of your problem then I can understand how people can go off the rails on these people.

I don't envy anyone in this line of work, it's stressful almost all the time.
I'm glad I'm no longer in this field.

**S12 Captain**

"Tank you fer calling Custoemr Service, my name is Erik, would you like some curry?"

S12 Captain **Character Profile** Name:: Class: EXP:: 0

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