the all new dear delta

ok people,we all have problems,questions and just plain out rants that need to be vented and i want to be the one who can help and provide some help.i'm not a shrink but i have lived life so that makes me better then a shrink.so if you have any questions,rants or just what some advice,feel free to talk to me.i will say this much,i expect this thread to be used for the sole purpose of helping people feel better about what is going on with their life so i will give some serious replies as well as some comical one's too but the overall purpose is to make you feel better and to bring some help out.so bring on whatever you want because i plan to do what i can for you.

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,
How can I help someone understand that I just want to help, not hinder? I am USUALLY a good person, but it seems no matter what I do it is not the right thing. I am seriously thinking about just giving up on the things that I am trying to help with and just see what happens...but I don't want them to think that I gave up on THEM....
Please help me to be a better person
The Queen of SassyLand

sometimes not helping is helping.give that person some time and they'll realize that you do what to help them.sometime's certain people need to find the right path that they need to travel down before they can accept any help from any one else.don't force that person to accept your help and things will work out.

Dear Delta,

My car's broken down, my dog ate the cat, the cat knew where I hid the money and now I'm afraid that the dog is plotting against me. The really bad part is that I can't remember where I hid the money and now I can't get my car fixed. What do I do?

Sincerely,

It's not paranoia if they're really out to get me.

Dear Delta,

I kinda superglued myself to myself. What can I do?

thatjimboguy wrote:

Dear Delta,

My car's broken down, my dog ate the cat, the cat knew where I hid the money and now I'm afraid that the dog is plotting against me. The really bad part is that I can't remember where I hid the money and now I can't get my car fixed. What do I do?

Sincerely,

It's not paranoia if they're really out to get me.

hmmm.when i lose something i always find it in the last place i look but that may take some tiime,and from how it sounds you don't have time if you need to get your car fixed,so i would suggest if you have auto insurance,leave your car in the parking lot of your local department store with the keys in the ignition and walk away.report the car stolen and when they find it say it was working before it went misssing,lol.just kidding.i in no way endorse insurance fraud so depending on where you need to go during the day and what kind of repairs need to be done you may need to take the bus till you can find your lost cash.as for the dog plotting against you,you need to show it who's boss by sending it a message thru it's chew toys and change its food from the better brand to the wal-mart brand.if that doesn't work then visit your local chinese restuarant with your pet and tell the dog he'll be next weeks special.

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:

Dear Delta,

I kinda superglued myself to myself. What can I do?

watching american pie 2 again? the best thing to do is not pull your hand away from the glued area or you might hurt yourself.warm water to the area should disssolve the glue enough to minimize any damage to the skin and remember if it says elmer's or testor's to put it away when you are done.

Dear Delta,

the crazy Flurkin broad next to me at work is sleeping again.
We all hate her.. should I just kick her in the head and teach her not to sleep at work?

The BLAY wrote:

Dear Delta,

the crazy Flurkin broad next to me at work is sleeping again.
We all hate her.. should I just kick her in the head and teach her not to sleep at work?

now you don't want to get into that kind of trouble.i would take blue's crazy glue and use it to glue her head to the table or desk she sleeps at.when she wakes up and is stuck there she'll stop sleeping at work.if that doesn't work,then sharpies can be fun too.

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I can't take it any more!! ALL the kitties in this house are in heat, and I can't take the constant crying. What can I do for ALL the kitties to get them over this...And fixing them is NOT an option at this time....

Kitty needs petting in Milwaukee

spray them with cold water.

Lady Z wrote:

delta1025 wrote:

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I can't take it any more!! ALL the kitties in this house are in heat, and I can't take the constant crying. What can I do for ALL the kitties to get them over this...And fixing them is NOT an option at this time....

Kitty needs petting in Milwaukee

spray them with cold water.

Doesn't help. :( There is 1 person that the kitties will stop crying with. It's not me!!

then i recommend getting blue's crazy glue and sealing their mouths shut.

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

What can I do about "friends" that just use me when they need something, but don't return favors when I need something? I am frustrated that I bend over backwards just to be pushed away. What should I do? I am ready to just give up on the friendship completely and walk away from them 100%. I am ready to just cut all ties... What do you think?

Sad and Lonely and Used

give it up and walk away if thats how you feel.nothing is stopping you from doing that.but here's a little word of advice;if you cut all ties with your "friend(s) then you need to cut all ties.that means family of your"friend(s)" too.the ball is in your court and you need to make the decision.also remember if you decide to cut all ties then don't communicate with them either.

Lady Z wrote:

Is that what you think I should do? Cut all ties and walk away? Is that your advice Delta?

only you can make the decision.

Dear Delta,

I watched The Little Mermaid with my daughter today. She got scared by Ursula, the octopus witch in the movie. Now she won't go downstairs because, "The Octopus lives down there" What can I do?

thatjimboguy wrote:

Dear Delta,

I watched The Little Mermaid with my daughter today. She got scared by Ursula, the octopus witch in the movie. Now she won't go downstairs because, "The Octopus lives down there" What can I do?

do you mean the basement or the first floor of a two-story house? either way i would tell your daughter that it is only a cartoon and ursula is actaully a good witch.try candy as a bribe if that doesn't work.

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I am having out of town guests in a few weeks, and I don't know what to cook for them while they are in town. I know that you know my skills....what do you suggest? I have been told to be creative....

Please...any suggestions are welcome!!! I want to show my talents in the kitchen....

Loving to cook in Milwaukee

seeing as you know your guest better then me i would keep it simple.plan a cook out and make burgers,hot dogs,and my favorite brats.

Ooohh..barbeque? What time's dinner? I'll start driving now....

Dear Delta,

My dog is drunk, the cat is stoned and my parents are almost home. I can't figure out how to get this stain out of their sheets either. I told my GF to be careful. What do I do?

Signed,

Screwed in Seattle

Dear Delta,

I have this monkee see and well....he gets randy sometimes...so I take him ot the zoo to "visit" the female monkees. Only when we went yesterday two of the zoo keepers were waiting for us and now my monkee is being sued for child support. What should i do?

Blue

p.s. The little monkees look just like him!