the all new dear delta

thatjimboguy wrote:

Ooohh..barbeque? What time's dinner? I'll start driving now....

Dear Delta,

My dog is drunk, the cat is stoned and my parents are almost home. I can't figure out how to get this stain out of their sheets either. I told my GF to be careful. What do I do?

Signed,

Screwed in Seattle

the only thing i can suggest is burn the house to the ground and say a burgular broke in when you went to find a church.if that doesn't work,try the jedi mind trick and tell your parents they caused all the problems and you are without fault.

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:

Dear Delta,

I have this monkee see and well....he gets randy sometimes...so I take him ot the zoo to "visit" the female monkees. Only when we went yesterday two of the zoo keepers were waiting for us and now my monkee is being sued for child support. What should i do?

Blue

p.s. The little monkees look just like him!

was there a paternity test? if not then have your monkey get the hell out of dodge and to start using some protection,and no a 9mm does not count.either way,make sure he is the father and tell him do the right thing.

delta1025 wrote:

bigdaddyblue73 wrote:

Dear Delta,

I have this monkee see and well....he gets randy sometimes...so I take him ot the zoo to "visit" the female monkees. Only when we went yesterday two of the zoo keepers were waiting for us and now my monkee is being sued for child support. What should i do?

Blue

p.s. The little monkees look just like him!

was there a paternity test? if not then have your monkey get the hell out of dodge and to start using some protection,and no a 9mm does not count.either way,make sure he is the father and tell him do the right thing.

Dear delta,

I tried your suggestion. All my monkee said was "Oh Oh Oh Eee eee eee!" and started playing with himself. I don't thinkl he got the point. Any more ideas?

Blue


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Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I am really super confused by my cats!!!

Natalia runs from Katrina and everytime Katrina gets close Natalia walks or runs away. But then Natalia comes to Katrina and starts to lick her and play ball with her, but when Katrina licks back and plays ball back then Natalia runs away again. Right now Katrina is laying down and Natalia just cuddled up next to her.

Does Natalia really like Katrina but is trying to be the "billy bad-ass" persona that she puts on, or do I need to get her some meds for being bi-polar? Because if it is a medical issue then I want to deal with it SOON!! Her mood swings drive me CRAZY

Confused in Milwaukee

cats,like people are all sorts of messed up.sometimes they want the attention that they crave and sometimes they just want to be left alone.natalia doesn't need any meds for bi-polarism because she is showing her dominate side to katrina which is what animals do.

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I had a really good time last night talking to an old friend, and I want to do it again really soon, but I don't want to become a pest. What do you think is "too much" of a good thing?

Loving the convos

when both parties don't have anything to say.don't over do it with your friend.

dear delta;

how do you deal with the stress of dealing with ass-hat ass clowns who call you up and try to get you to switch insurance companies?i'm on a no-call list but these flurkers seem to call any ways.what should i do? do i change my number or is there some way to block the calls?
fed up with the damn geeko

delta1025 wrote:

dear delta;

how do you deal with the stress of dealing with ass-hat ass clowns who call you up and try to get you to switch insurance companies?i'm on a no-call list but these flurkers seem to call any ways.what should i do? do i change my number or is there some way to block the calls?
fed up with the damn geeko

do what i do,grab a drink,grab a car and drive to the nearest office they work out of and ask to see the talking geeko.if they can produce the damn thing then sign up to their company.if they can't show you it,then tell them to piss off.remember drink the alcoholic drink in their office,that should get them to stop calling you.

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I have a friend that has taken to talking to himself...This doesn't seem healthy to me... Am I wrong in this assumption? Should I have him fitted for his jacket with the extra long arms or should I just watch him VERY closely?

Concerned in Mil-town..

actually it's very healthy.sometime the best thing for a person is to express their feelings out loud.besides i think your friend may enjoy a new jacket with long sleeves as long as it was black leather and floor length.

Lady Z wrote:

delta1025 wrote:

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I have a friend that has taken to talking to himself...This doesn't seem healthy to me... Am I wrong in this assumption? Should I have him fitted for his jacket with the extra long arms or should I just watch him VERY closely?

Concerned in Mil-town..

actually it's very healthy.sometime the best thing for a person is to express their feelings out loud.besides i think your friend may enjoy a new jacket with long sleeves as long as it was black leather and floor length.

Actually..He showed me the jacket that he likes...And it wasn't floor length or have super long sleeves... But who knows...Maybe he changed his mind.

Talking to yourself is one thing...But he has taken to answering himself which is really my concern. Oh Well. I guess I will just have to visit him when the men come by with the padded truck :)

sometimes the only answers he may want to hear are the one's he gives himself.don't worry it's normal for him.

Lady Z wrote:

Dear Delta,

I have this MAJOR pain in my a$$...and I don't know how to get rid of it. I really need help!!! Is there anything YOU can do to help me get rid of this pain????? PLEASE!?!?!?!?! And...FYI I the pain is NOT workout related...it is EX related... Just in case you thought I was asking you to do a massage or something :)

Pain does NOT = pleasure!!

best thing i can suggest is to tell your ex that you are not gonna take his shit and if he don't like it oh well.stand your ground with him.

dear delta; my a.d.d. seems to be acting up again,what should i do? what was i saying,oh yeah i need help with my a.d.d.,what can i do?


need to subtract my a.d.d.

delta1025 wrote:

dear delta; my a.d.d. seems to be acting up again,what should i do? what was i saying,oh yeah i need help with my a.d.d.,what can i do?


need to subtract my a.d.d.

focus,focus,focus and if that doesn't work,focus some more.if all else fails then grab a kettle from the kitchen,put it on your head,and bang it like a drum till you pass out.

Dear Delta,

There is this annoying woman on my phone. She won't shut up. How do I get rid of her?

Thanks!

Ear being gnawn off in Seattle

thatjimboguy wrote:

Dear Delta,

There is this annoying woman on my phone. She won't shut up. How do I get rid of her?

Thanks!

Ear being gnawn off in Seattle

is this woman a family member?if not then just hang up the phone.if it is a family member hang up the phone and change the number.